I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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