girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
