Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize