I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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