umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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