I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
