My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
