Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
