im six kinds of drunk right now
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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