I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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