In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
