im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
