i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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