i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
