You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I need a beard to bite.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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