what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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