Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
