Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
