FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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