I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
