i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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