If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this will be a night to untag.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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