Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
