My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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