did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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