actually, I'm a sock model
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
