She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
