I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
