this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
