I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You're like the curious george of whores
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
