fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
