Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
