My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
