it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
