I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think my moral compass just broke
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So here I am, sexting at work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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