I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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