so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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