what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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