My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
