just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you would pick up someone in the library
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
