I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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