sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
