but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
