we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
