And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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