I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
