Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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