if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
