I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
