yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
