READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
