He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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