There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
