In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
