so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
