Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
