I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
