Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
