i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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