Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
