Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
