Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
