If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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