dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
