I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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