Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
