Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize