i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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