As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
