..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
