I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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