and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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